Thursdays
by SKRowling
Summary: Thursdays this year are brutal. Very serious subject discussed. I am not here to glorify Teen Motherhood, but I want to point out the very real things that happen to us. STRONG Jori friendship. Disclaimer: Neither Victorious, nor it's characters are my property. No copyright infringement is intended. This is solely a piece of Fan art for the enjoyment of those who read.
1. Conception

**A/N: Okay so I totally lied and said I would stop writing new stories and finish the stories I had. but one of my co workers asked me a question about when I became a mom. Though i was not a Teen Mom I was fairly young. I kind of started thinking about writing a conception to however long I can stand it story... as of now I have eleven years experience as a mom. maybe write by developmental stage I don't know well right now... we are dealing with...**

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**Conception**

**July 26****th**

This was the first year since I met him that I was not with him. He was always there for me, but now he was gone. Forever from my life and I missed him. I swallowed against the tears that were threatening to come. It was so selfish of me to think about what an awful birthday I was going to have Beck wasn't with me.

I'm turning seventeen today, and the only person I have ever loved is dead. Dumb thing was that he died the day after we got back together. Prome night. He dropped me off at home, and I heard the crash. My stupid drunk neighbor plowed into him as he was backing out of my driveway. Pinned Beck up against the light post he died instantly.

It's been two months. I looked out at the light post. Our friends left tons of mementos to memorialize him and I supposed that it was nice, but it made my heart hurt every time I looked out of my window. But I didn't want to move; I couldn't leave here. It's where I last saw his smile. It's where I last kissed his lips.

As I sat staring out of the window I thought about how weird it was going to be to go back to school and not see him at his locker, or among our friends, joking and laughing or even flirting with Vega.

Well, well… Speak of the devil. Vega was driving into my driveway with her newly minted Driver's license. She paused at the memorial and dropped a flower like she always did, and drove on up the drive. I was not in the mood to deal with her today. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I turned away from my window and closed the drapes to make sure not a ray of sunshine could be seen. Then I went under my black and red covers and brought them up over my head.

A few minutes later, I heard the distinctly Vega light knock to my door. Then my door opened, and I could sense the warmth of sunlight stream through my bedroom door from the Foyer window. "Close the door." I said softly.

"Jade I can't see." Tori said, "Let me get my bearings first."

I almost want to smile, she doesn't bother to feel hurt around me anymore, and I don't bother chewing her out anymore because nothing really matters anymore. She shut the door and walked over to my bed and lay beside me over the covers. She wrapped her arms around me and just held me. "Why are you here?" I asked not bothering to push her away.

"Happy Birthday, Jade." She whispered pulling the covers from over my head. She ran her fingers through my hair to move them out of my face. "You have to leave your house today. Your mom doesn't want to leave you alone today and she has to go to work."

I sighed. "I'm not gonna kill myself, you can go home now."

"I can't leave you alone. We miss you and want you to have a great birthday."

My heart began to ache. "I can't be with all of you… He won't be there. It hurts."

"Well, how about just me?" She asked not even suggesting Cat because she knew Cat had been too much for my grief. "I won't even let Andre get at me."

"Don't stand your boyfriend up for me Vega." I said. Those two got together because of their grief. Every one has their own healing mechanism. That was theirs.

"Today, you're more important." She said. Truthfully Tori had become the best friend Beck had told me she could be. That was what was comforting about this whole thing. Beck told me so.

"Okay."

I could hear the smile in her voice when she said. "Okay, let's get cleaned up. I'll let the others know not to bother us while you're in there." I sat up in my bed as she walked over to the drapes and opened them letting just enough light in. I was grateful that she hadn't done the way my mother had done on occasion to just open them all the way making my room bright as day.

I stood up and headed for the bathroom and stood at the doorway. "Thanks Vega."

She smiled, "what are friends for?"

Tori and I decided to take a walk. We stopped at the memorial and looked at all of the things our friends had brought and smiled at some of the things people who really knew him left for him there. I knew I would have to take all of these from here one day. I bit my lip and tried to keep myself from crying. Tori kneeled right next to me and wrapped her arms around me. She hugged me tightly and whispered. "Cry if you have to. It's the only way you'll feel better."

I began to cry; I had her permission to fall apart. We sat there for a long time, until she decided to pick me up and we began to walk. And we walked for a good hour before I started to just feel better. We talked about Beck and I laughed at some of the memories that we shared with him. We stopped at the playground and a random group of guys stopped by. "Hey!" One of the guys said.

Tori and I looked over but did not respond. "What you don't speak?" Another guy stated. He was a black boy. Tall… Taller than Andre and his build was muscular. He hand his hair in cornrows braided back. And is clean-shaven. His facial structure looked really familiar. "Y'all look like some girls we know about that go to Hollywood Arts." He licked his lips kind of like

Tori looked at them. "You go to HA?"

"Nah, My brother Berf goes there. See you guys around at performances and stuff." Well that explains whey he looks so familiar. Berf's Twin… Paternal I suppose, because he is decidedly hotter that Berf is.

I nodded and put my hands in my pockets. "So Berf is the talented one? How sad for you." I deadpanned.

Berf's brother laughed. "I guess we can't all be stars. We're having a party, y'all should come." He extended his hand and handed us a promoter style card. "It's gonna be Live." Then he waved and drove off.

I looked at the Card, then at Vega. "Do you wanna?" I shrugged. "Well if we do go, we gotta call for back up. We have to look out for each other."

I sighed. "Let's go get dressed Vega, call your boyfriend." I was tired of crying.

The five of us Showed up at what we assumed was Berf's house. But once we got inside, we saw it clearly wasn't. The house was sick though, but there was no furniture.

I stood in the corner a while. Tori and Andre kept checking in on me. I was starting to get irate. Then Berf's brother showed up and handed me a drink. "Careful, it's loaded." He warned.

I looked down at the cup smelled the alcohol inside and downed it. "Thanks."

"Girl cheer up, this is a party." He said.

"I probably should have gone back home and stayed in bed. But they were so determined that I needed to be out for my birthday."

"It's your birthday?" He said in surprise and made me another drink. "Girl drink up!"

I smiled and downed the drink again. We talked for a while and he pretended to listen. But I didn't care because I needed to talk to someone that couldn't care less whether I would kill myself or not. I think in the process I must have downed six or seven of those little cocktails.

The next thing I knew. Berf's brother (I still don't know his name) and I were making out. It got pretty hot and heavy. Then we were in a room by ourselves. And I wish I could remember what happened. I just felt dizzy and I saw so many strange things. Then I remember walking out of the room, falling into Tori's arms and everything going black.

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**July 27****th**

Why was it so bright in my room? Maybe I died on my birthday. Maybe if I open my eyes the first thing I'll see is beck's face. I had a dream that we had been together. God it felt so good and real. Maybe I did go to heaven.

I reached for the pillow behind my head and covered my face so that I could open my eyes. I peeked around, and recognized the insides of Vega's room. What the hell? I sat up and looked around the room. My clothes were laid out on a chair, I looked down and I was wearing a pair of Tori's sweats and a purple camisole. She had tied my hair back in a messy braid.

The inside of my mouth tasted like I gargled with vomit and Jack. I knew now why I was wearing her clothes. I changed and recalled doing much of the same the night before. Crap! I had hooked up with someone…

I cheated on him… I can't believe I did that. I finished getting dressed and rushed downstairs; maybe Tori could give me a ride home. When I got down there she was on the couch cuddled with Andre, making out so I didn't say anything and snuck out of the house. I'll walk home.

Hot tears ran down my face as I walked down Tori's drive way. "Jade!" I heard from behind me.

I turned to face my ex-frienemy turn best friend, without bothering to wipe the mess of my tears away. She held me and didn't ask me why she was just quiet. Then she pulled me to her car where Andre was waiting. "Sit in the back with her Tor, I'll drive."

Tori nodded and pushed me into the back seat and buckled me in. This hurts so bad. I feel like such a cheater. How could I betray him like this? "I wanna die." I whispered.

"Why?" Tori whispered back.

"I slept with Berf's brother." I whispered again I couldn't vocalize it any louder."

"You slept with Brandon?" Tori squeaked.

"How could I do that to Beck?" I cried.

"Jade…" Tori said. "Beck is g-gone." Tori tried not to cry. "And… and you were drunk… so drunk I thought you'd never wake up. I thought you would die."

"I wanted to die…" I admitted.

"Jade, you can't leave me here alone with Cat… I need a sane girl to keep me grounded." Tori said softly.

I laughed a little. "It just feels so wrong."

"I know… Let's just get you home and get you all cleaned up it's a new day and you never have to see Brandon again."

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**So what do you think? Let me know Review.**


	2. August: Not Just PMS

**A/N: Going by week month by month every chapter I think. you will notice about a seven day gap between each section. at least on the first part of the story. A lot happening this chapter I was shocked at a lot of the choices I made, I hope you enjoy it just as well. I have to thank my friend Braxenimos for being Jade's hair stylist for this chapter. Thanks dude. Now My children... read up, review it up. Later- S.K.**

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**August: Not Just PMS**

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**August 1st**

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**"Blame your roller-coaster moods on hormones."**

So it's Andre's birthday. Tori was planning a party for him and I supposed I could go. But I was starting to feel all bloaty and crampy. PMS was on it's way. Could you imagine me PMSing at a party. One minute I'm okay, the next moment I'm crying and then the next I am ready to rip your head off.

No… Besides the last time I was at a party, I got drunk and I still hadn't been able to forgive myself for what I did. Either way, at least in a few more days I'll have had my period and be back to normal… well for me.

I sighed and got my ass out of bed and headed down to the kitchen. I was hungry, but I didn't know what I wanted to eat. Mom was gone with her boyfriend, so I was left to my own devices. I looked at the pot of food she had left on the stove.

"Eww," I said, as I could smell the seafood soup within. The smell turned my stomach so I didn't even get too close. This is strange because I like seafood soup. It's actually my favorite. But I guess I just wasn't hungry. I just grabbed an apple from the counter and headed to the media room.

I turned on the TV as I received a Text. "I'm coming to get you." I sighed at Tori's audacity, and ignored the text. "I know you read it, and you will be coming to this party."

"Tori, I'm not dressed to go anywhere." I responded and took a bite of my apple. I went back to watching whatever was on the screen. It was some touching commercial about how a father was sad to see his daughter go off to college. This would usually make me gag. But since my break down the week before, these things just made me sad. Because Beck would never be able to see a daughter go off to college. I can never have his children like I always believed I would. We didn't have time, and we wasted a whole fucking year that we could have been together. After that commercial, some stupid baby diaper commercial came on and I was through.

My cell phone chimed a few times, but I was just too caught up in that stupid baby commercial to bother answering. I curled up and cried my heart out. I was alone; I didn't care. Suddenly there was a pair of arms around me; holding and rocking me. "Jade what happened?"

"He's gone, and he'll never be a dad!" I cried on Tori shoulder.

She looked at me confused and sighed. "Listen, we decided to bring a little bit of Beck to the party." Tori said.

I looked at her and sniffed, "how?"

"Every one is wearing a little red." I smirked… his favorite color.

"That's stupid." I said turning back to the television.

I could feel her roll her eyes, "I brought you something." She said and pulled out something from her bag. "I have never seen you wear this."

I looked at the long strip of plastic that encased a clip on extension in red. "I guess I never have."

"You can always have some of him with you." She whispered, "Now please come to Andre's party."

"Fine." I said in an exaggerated sigh and made my way upstairs. It was the best decision I could have made because I did actually begin to feel better. The party was understated… but there were more than just the five of us plus Beck in red. So It wasn't so in my face. But it was also not too crowded either. There was no alcohol so there was no danger of what happened on my birthday to reoccur.

The one thing I wasn't expecting though, was Berf. Not his brother just him. This was a Hollywood Arts party. But just seeing him made my stomach lurch. "You alright?" Tori asked

I jumped because she came from behind me and caught me off guard. "It's just… He's his twin."

"I'm not gonna ask him to leave—"

"I didn't ask you to!" I screamed. It was an unexpected flash of anger that I regretted immediately. I sighed and showed her I was sorry I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Look, I think I'm partied out. Can I go home now?"

"Um… I thought you were staying the night?" Tori said.

"I need to lay down I'm just so tired." I answered, and as I told that lie… I realized in truth how tired I really was. My body was aching. My breast felt heavy on my chest and my ovaries decided to drop a baseball on to my uterus. The cramp was beginning to intensify.

"Go on upstairs to my bed," Tori said. "Lock the door behind you I'll crash on the couch."

I sighed gratefully and headed up the stairs to her hideously purple and pink room with sheer curtains that will allow the light in the next morning, but I really didn't care because for some reason I felt him here with me. Like he was holding me and telling me I was forgiven and I should be able to go on.

I went into the bathroom, as I felt a bit odd, and I was hoping that what I had been waiting for was occurring. I looked at my stained underwear and smiled in satisfaction. It was only a little stain, but it was enough to ease my mind. Now I was hopeful, for reasons I couldn't for the life of me understand. Even though I missed him, I knew I would be all right.

* * *

**August 7th**

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"I have to pee." I said as I followed Cat and Tori into yet another store. They were back to school shopping, and it was infuriating because I somehow managed to gain weight in a deep depression. I haven't been binging or anything and it is pissing me off.

"Again?" Cat stated looking at me. "I thought I had the small bladder."

"Shut up Cat, I'm going to the fucking bathroom and then I'm getting a coffee. This is stupid."

"we'll come with you." Tori sighed, "You know it's probably all tat coffee you're drinking. It's a diuretic you know."

"I haven't been drinking more coffee than usual." I snapped back.

"Okay, okay." Cat said, "Maybe there's some other reason you are peeing so much." Cat said as we entered the bathroom.

"Yeah… you don't think…" Tori stated and paused and turned to me as I had already the bathroom. "You got our period right?" She asked.

"NONE of your business."

"How much… I mean was it a lot?" She asked

"Does it matter it came!

"I'm Just saying, maybe you and Be…"

"BECK and I never got back together like that again!" I yelled at Tori, and my insides twisted as I remembered Brandon "Oh god… Oh god… I'm gonna hurl." I said and I ran into a stall. I dropped to my knees and did just that.

Both Cat and Tori came and took handfuls of my Black and red hair as my hands braced themselves on the dirty toilet bowl. The stink of the bowl upset my stomach more, and exacerbated the exit of my stomach contents from my body. "We'll go to a drug store and buy a test." She whispered.

"You can buy tests at stores? I want an algebra test, I'm good at math!" Cat stated.

I stopped puking long enough to look up at my ditsy friend and roll my eyes. I shook my head and stood up to wash my hands and face and mouth. My saliva felt thick in my mouth, and shook my head again spitting out the excess spit and sighed. "Yeah, let's go."

I looked at the stupid stick in my hand. I was nervous, what was I supposed to do again? I stared at it for like a whole minute as I downed an entire bottle of water. "Are you done yet?" Tori asked from outside the bathroom door.

"NO." I screamed at the closed door. I did a little pee-pee dance I really had to go, but I was afraid to go. I stumped my foot and sighed and put the stick down on the counter and pulled my jeans and underwear down. I squatted over my toilet bowl and brought the stick between my legs to catch the stream.

I listen to my water pour out of me. Once I felt like there had been enough pee poured on to the stick, I set it aside and finished. God I really had to pee. I wonder how long it would take for me to know something. So I took a peek at the thing and the digital reader started blinking. I looked away and finished using the bathroom and wiped myself and called out to Tori when I pulled up, my jeans.

I didn't want to look. I kept my back to that little stick as she walked into the bathroom. "What does it say?" I asked.

She didn't say anything; she just threw it away and sighed. She washed her hands and placed her hand on my back. "So what are you gonna do?" She asked me after a few more seconds of silence. My eyes stung. I shook my head and went to the wastebasket.

I had to see for my self. I pulled it out and read the very clear message on the window. Pregnant. I shook my head. "I don't know." I stated throwing the thing back in the trash and washing my hands.

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**August 14****th**

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Two and a half weeks until school starts. I'm still pregnant. I still don't know what I am going to do. I had looked online, and saw that even though I have only physically been pregnant for four weeks… I was considered six weeks because technically my body was ready to do this two weeks before it happened.

I pee every thirty minutes, I can't even sit up at my desk without needing to lie down and rest. My freaking boobs hurt and they weigh a ton. I need new bras. Can't eat anything with flavor… I can't eat Sushi… SUSHI! That alone is enough to get rid of this kid. Mom just got back from Inside out burger with dinner and I refuse to go downstairs because the stench of Animal style double cheeseburger that I used to like is making me ill from all the way in my room.

There is a knock on the door. "What?" I called out covering my eyes with my arm. I was laid out on my bed. My head was reeling and just as my mother opened the door to my room my stomach lurched.

I swallowed hard trying to keep my liquid lunch from escaping my stomach. "I brought you your favorite tonight, don't you want to eat?"

"Nooooooooooooo." I groaned and turned away from her on my side.

She closed my bedroom door but I could sense her still in the room. Maybe moms do have eyes in the back of their heads. She walked over to me and sat at the edge of my bed. She placed a hand on my shoulder, and then ran her fingers through my hair. "I like the red." She whispered. I didn't say anything I just wanted her to go. "Jade, please talk to me."

"Why?" I asked

"Because I'm a Therapist, and I happen to know that it helps."

I snorted, "I don't want my head shrunken."

"You seem a lot less sad now." She stated. "But you seem so preoccupied."

No chizz mom… I sighed and debated on whether I should tell her what was going on. Forget what you know about my relationship with her the past four weeks, Mom and I love each other fiercely, and I used to be able to tell her everything. I don't want this lapse in judgment to make her look at me differently.

"What is it Jade, I know you want to tell me something." She said softly. I sat up and she looked at me. Like really looked at me all of me. "You look so much older." She said smoothing my hair down.

"Well…" I said with a weak smirk. "I sorta had a birthday."

She smiled, "You didn't want to celebrate with me and Ethan… and that day after you were so… out of it. I just…" she left her hand on my shoulders.

"Yeah mom, I know."

"What happened?" She asked me.

I bit my lower lip and looked down at my hands. "Something stupid."

Her hand dropped from my shoulder onto her lap. I couldn't look her in the eye so I focused on the red and black patterns of my comforter. "How stupid?"

"Really stupid." I told her about the party, and how drunk I got because I was so broken up about Beck not being there for my birthday. I told her about Brandon, and how we were making out.

"Oh Jade… You didn't" Mom said putting her hands over her face.

"Yup." I said popping the p. "I took a test last week…"

Mom exhaled and just pulled me to her. She held me for a long time. I couldn't help but cry. These stupid hormones made me so emotional. All I could think about was how someone inside me could be feeling the same about me seventeen years from now, and how I'd love to get to do that; to make someone feel better with just a hug. "You stupid, stupid girl…" she said, but somehow the edge was not so sharp in those words.

"I wasn't going to tell you, but I … I couldn't make up my mind to go to Planned Parenthood." I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Jade, I know that what I think of you is important to you right now… So I am gonna tell you this." She paused and took a deep breath as she let me go. "I am very disappointed, I'm not going to lie to you. But honey, this is not the end of the world. You have some really hard decisions to make, and I will help you as much as I can. Still it is YOUR decision and I will not make it for you."

I nodded, that didn't help me make the decision at all. "I… don't know why, but… even though I'm this emotional wreck, I feel better than I have felt in a long time. And I think that maybe I should have this baby."

Mom exhales. "Okay… what about school?"

I sigh… "I guess I could… put the baby up for adoption or something…"

"What about the father, he has to be notified." She reasoned with me.

I groaned, "Why?"

"Because you know who it is, and he might have issue with his kid being given away and then the babies parents might loose their child because He wants it." Mom answered matter-of-factly. "And the baby will loose his or her parents."

"What if I keep it?"

"Then I would insist that he knows because he has to pay for his responsibility." I growled.

"You haven't made any of this easier you know that?" I kind of tease, just glad I am not grounded for life. We remained silent for a while. "I need new bras." I stated softly.

She laughed. "Does that mean you're not having an abortion?"

"I thought we have established that." I said throwing a fake glare at her.

"We'll go shopping this weekend, just you and me." She said.

I smiled and hugged my mother again. I was kind of glad this went well; I had eliminated one option. Now I had to think what else I would be doing.

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**August** **21****st**

* * *

I'm so… antsy. Like wow antsy. Fuck I'm horny WHY? You would think with all of the crap that is happening with my body, and me... sex would be the last thing I would want.

I paced my room for an hour. I woke up like this early in the morning. Like before the sun was out. What I wouldn't give for Beck to be with me right now. NO JADE… no… let's not think about it. I have to keep it together… I have to go for a run.

Slipped on some exercise clothes and headed downstairs, and on my way to the door my mom poked her head out of her office. "Where are you headed?"

"I need to run. I feel like a caged animal." I answered.

She smiled and turned back into her office. I ran over to the end of the driveway and looked at the memorial. Mom had cleared away most of the bulky stuff, and teddy bears and love notes from other girls. I brought my fingers to my lips and kissed them, then placed them on to becks picture. Then I began to run.

I didn't get very far. I get so tired, but I'm still antsy as hell. I walked along and ended up at the park that Tori and I had been to when we met Brandon. I was so tired I collapsed on the bench and put my head between my hands. I should have driven here. God I don't think I could make it back.

"Jade?" I heard. I looked up and saw Berf in the passenger side of a car. I blanched. His mother was next to him driving. I recognized her because she had come to get him one time from the nurse's office when I was waiting for Lane. In the back Seat was a little girl. She was really cute; with a bunch of tiny braids in pretty little clips. And Brandon sat next to her in the back.

"Hey… Berf." I said softly.

"Are you alright, honey?" His mother asked.

I stood and began to say yes as Brandon got out of the car with a devilish smirk. But suddenly everything went black and I knew I was going down and I couldn't stop myself. Brandon caught me and lifted me into the car. "I'm sorry I'm just dizzy. I overdid it."

My vision returned to me as I was placed in the middle between Brandon and his sister. "Where do you live?" he asked.

I gave them my address and sat back and listened to the way they talked to each other. They had me smiling a few times. They were so loving it is different from what I had seen growing up. My baby was part of this family… I would love for whoever raised him... her... it.. to love... it, well like they love each other. I couldn't possibly give something I have never gotten. I got love, my mother loved me. but not like that. "Hey Brandon… I have to talk to you." I said steeling my resolve. "Do you want to go out for real sometime?"

"For real?" I nodded, "Baby, I'm leaving town tonight, and I won't be back till like school starts. But can we hook up then?"

"ooooohhh, She just asked him out!" His little sister Brianna said.

I blushed. I nodded. "Don't call me baby, I just have to talk to you about something."

He smiled, and took my phone from me and programmed his number in my phone then called himself. "Okay, Jade… two weeks. But call me while I am gone, I had fun with you at the party." He said then helped me out of the car. I ran inside quickly before my mom saw who had driven me home.

Call him? I didn't want to date him, I didn't want to date anyone. But I suppose that if I did decide to keep the baby and Brandon and his family wanted to be in it's life, then it wouldn't be bad if we tried to be together. I sighed and walked into the house. Mom was in the kitchen making something. "Jade, are you hungry now?" Mom asked.

I nodded and she took me to the kitchen and fed me the blandest tasting piece of shit I had ever tasted, and I loved every bite.


	3. September: Week 8-11

**A/N: Alright here is my next chapter. where more people get to find out what is going on. I just realized that Jade walked out of the doctor's office half naked LOL I had to fix THAT glaring detail. sorry. I hope you enjoy it.**

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**August/September: 8-11weeks**

"What do you mean I can't have Sushi?"

**August 28****th**

Mom and I sat side by side at the gynecologist's office. "Don't be nervous." My mother's calm voice rang out from beside me. I looked around at the lobby of the doctor's office. Decorated in warm browns in different shades, and stylish oak furniture. There was a picture of a mother with her daughter right next to her, touching her swollen belly. They smiled at each other and I got a feeling that maybe mom should be the one in this predicament, not me. I should be the one standing beside her, not her beside me.

"I'm not nervous." I said uncrossing and recrossing my legs. I fold my arms loosely across my chest, because they were so tender. My nipples were so hard and achy I couldn't even touch them.

"Stop fidgeting. I'm here for you Jade." Mom said placing a calming hand on my bouncing knee.

I breathed out, trying to calm myself. I felt as if I were drowning. Especially since I had nothing to do. We had been waiting for almost 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes of those only after I finished filling out a massive amount of forms that detailed my medical history. Half of the things on there I needed my mom to fill out, because I didn't know. "Jade west?" A person in scrubs with cute little Eyore pattern called out. My heart rate jumped and I stood. I looked back for my mom. She had stayed behind.

"Did you want me to come with you?" She asked, I guess my usual independence had taught her that I probably wouldn't want her there. But I needed her. I nodded, and she smiled as she stood to come with me.

Eyore scrubs, takes me to a scale, 120. Then she sat me down and took my blood pressure. Then she pulled out some test tubes and stuff. Not that I don't like pain… but I haven't even seen the doctor yet. "Wait what's this?" I asked.

"Well Jade, this is just standard. You are here for pre natal visit; that is what you marked on the paper. So there are a battery of tests that we do anyway so we are doing them now before you see the doctor."

"What are these tests for?" I asked truly interested as she preps my arm to take my blood.

"We'll take a Beta HCG, to make sure you are indeed pregnant. An H/H will measure the amount of blood you carry and how much oxygen is in it." She puts in a needle then sticks a tube into the slot and I watch the blood poor in. "We will also grab your blood type and RH factor from this. If you are RH positive the baby should be okay if negative your blood may attack the baby."

"Okay…" I say as she pulls out that tube and places it on a tray full of holes to hold the tubes.

She then pulls out another tube and labels it, and then places it in the slot and the blood pours out. "In this tube we check for vaccines like Rubella, Varicella, Hepatitis." She pulls it out and sticks another in. "This one we check for Cystic Fibrosis, Tay Sacks, Sickle Cell. Sickle Cell is probably not an issue for you, but you never know… Is the baby's father possibly mixed or something?"

"He's black." I said softly as she took that tube out.

"Then the baby will get tested when he or she comes out to make sure Sickle Cell is not present in him or her." She said and then pulled out one last one with a red top. I don't know why but it seemed ominous. "This… is to test HIV." My heart beat fast. Oh my god, I hadn't thought about that possibility.

I reached out to my mom, and she squeezed my hand. "I'm sure it will be okay Jade."

I started to hyperventilate. It could very possibly not be okay. I shook my head. "I barely know that man mom, how do I know he's okay? Or me?"

"We'll find out…" Eyore scrubs said. I looked down at her tag Samantha. "And if there is anything, you will know immediately. Realize that if we don't call you… that is always good news."

"I would rather get a call over that last test." I said as she pulls everything off of my arm and covers it with a Band-Aid.

"Okay, I'll put a note on your chart," She said. "Now follow me." I followed her to a small room with a (gag me) pink curtain and a table with stirrups at the end. "You will need to get undressed from the waist down cover yourself with this and just relax the doctor will be here soon.

I did as I was told and sat on the table. "You can come from the other side of the curtain now mom," I stated. I put my head in my hands. I was still scared I was still completely freaked over the whole battery of tests I had to endure.

"Baby, it will be okay." Mom promised.

"What if I have HIV, and I die… or worse, if I give it to the baby, no one will want to adopt it." I said frantic.

"Jade you can't think like that. Just remain calm and think positively." She said and held my face between her hands. "I would adopt it okay?"

I looked at her. "You would?"

"Yes, now relax, lay back." She said and there was a knock on the door. "She's ready."

The doctor was a woman; she was black older lady…Berf's mother. "Mom… I think we need another doctor."

She smiled at me, "Jade… anything we discuss here is private. I won't discuss this with Brandon, though I do think you should tell him before he gets too smitten." She looked over at my mom. "Hi, I'm Dr. Dunniver, I believe your daughter and my son Berf go to the same school."

"Oh…" Mom looked at me.

"Yeah his brother is the one that threw that one party I went to on my birthday." I said giving her a meaningful look.

Her eyes widened in realization and she squeezed my hand. Dr. Dunniver didn't seem to know about her son's escapades. "Oh, is that where you met Brandon?"

I nodded. "He made sure I didn't get bored while my friends were having fun."

She smiled, "oh that's nice…"

My mom leaned close and kissed me on my temple and whispered in my ear. "Lets just get through this visit."

"Jade lay back, and lets take a listen to this little baby shall we?" Dr. Dunniver asked and I complied. As she spread some gel in my lower abdomen. That stupid little puch I started to develop under my belly button since this happened to me.

Then grandma Dunniver takes the probe and looks for her grandbaby with it. I know she doesn't know how important this child is to her. Suddenly the room was filled with the sound of something that sounded similar to a train rolling full speed down the tracks. "There's your baby… sounds good so far."

I smiled hearing her. The baby was alive that was all that mattered. She removed the monitor and I was sad. But she whipped the gel off of my stomach.

"Alright Jade, bring your bottom close to the edge I'm gonna take a look see." She said and inserted two fingers inside me. Oh my god… That did not feel good, especially since she pressed down on my uterus at the same time. "Yes, there's definitely a baby in there.

Dr. Dunniver reached for a tray that I saw sitting atop something that looked like a warmer. She took a tool that looked a little like a duckbill and came closer to me. "Now Jade, this is just gonna be a little pressure. I have to take a tissue sample for a pap smear."

She inserted the speculum and it opened me up. Someone should seriously revise the use of that particular tool; it can't be good for babies. It was stretching me out so much, I mean what if the baby falls out? Then she inserted something. "OWCH!" I yelled as I felt something touch my very tender cervix.

"I know honey, I'm almost done." The sadistic Dr. Dunniver said patting my shin trying to comfort me. She instructed me to let my legs down and sit up. "Go ahead and get dressed, and I'll take these out there for my assistant then I will be back to talk to you and answer some of your questions." Then she walked out of the room and mom hid bening the courtain as I reached for my clothes.

"Okay," I said once I was done and Mom came back. "I have to find a different Gyno quick."

"Well she is a really good one and it took me forever to find her." Mom said "But we'll find another you have a month now."

"Do you thiink I should tell her?" I asked mom.

She shook her head. "I don't know Jade, I mean what if she has this vision of her son and you just could shatter it. you don't know her she could really make your life hell."

"I guess." I said. No I won't tell her... no.

The door opened to the room, she smiled at me and took a seat with her pad on her lap ready to write."Now have you been experiencing any bleeding or cramping?"

"no, not really lately." I answered.

"And your last period was?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"So how can you be sure you're eight weeks pregnant?" I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Because I know exactly when it happened. I have only had sex once this year." I answered hotly. "July 26th."

"Well… that makes it easier to estimate I suppose." She said with a sigh. "Are there any concerns that you have?"

"What can I eat, and what can't I eat?" I asked. "I mean like I really love coffee like a lot. I have gone without it so far, but I am getting really edgy. And my friends and I like to eat Sushi a lot. I was wondering what I had to avoid.

"Well with the coffee… you can have some one cup a day, but try not to have any if you can help it." She took a deep breath and her face looked a little regretful. You really have to try not to eat raw things. No rear meat. So Sushi and anything that is raw is generally a no-no. Because if by chance you catch some sort of food poisoning thing, you may be able to handle it, but it is really very traumatic for the baby.'

"What do you mean I can't have sushi?' I said in shock because I was craving some serious scuttle fish nagiri right now.

"Cold cuts are generally out of the question as well." I groan. Everything I am supposed to eat makes me ill.

"Fine, I just won't eat for the next nine months." I mumbled with my arms folded over my chest.

"Jade don't be so melodramatic." Mom said next to me.

"Anything else?" Dr. Dunniver asked.

"Why is it that I want to have sex all the time now?" I said bluntly to see if I could rattle both mom and Mrs. Dunniver.

"Are you active?" She asked startled.

"I told you I've only done it once this year. It won't stop, I feel like a fucking nynpho." I said. My mom glared at me when I said the "f" word. I laughed internally but it was a relevant fquestion.

"Well… it's natural. Though as you are under age I don't recommend you follow those urges."

"Why not? It isn't like I can get any more pregnant." I answered.

She nodded, "well that is something you should discuss with your partner." She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Jade, what is your relationship with the father?"

"Well it was a drunken thing… I go to school with his brother, and we met at a party and right now there is nothing because he's away somewhere." I stated and stood up from my chair. I wanted to let her process this. Mom followed me.

She was quick about it, because just as I reached the door I heard. "Jade… Brandon still doesn't know?"

"I never got a chance to tell him." I said

"I would like to remain your doctor if I may." She said, "no matter what you decide." I stared after her then nodded. I walked out of there so confused about her, and her son. I just wished this baby were Becks…

* * *

**September 5****th**

"You have to keep it." Brandon said as I sat at my desk in my room. It was dark out already and I was tired as hell. I thought long and hard before making this phone call. But my big mouth let his mother know what he had done before I had even had a chance to break it to him. I couldn't wait till he got home. Now he was all like you can't put the baby up! Do you know who my family is? And I couldn't really give a fig.

"You can't tell me what to do. I'm already giving birth to the kid. I mean I still don't know what my decision is" I responded.

"Baby, I'll be back next week we can talk about it."

"I will remind you that I did want to tell you in person." I said running my fingers through my hair as I turned toward the mirror. The black was starting to fade. As I have come to find out, Coloring is not good for the baby. "I just had to tell you before your mother would… and don't call me baby."

"Mom can't tell me anything. You are her patient." He stated then sighed. "I don't know how I'm supposed to concentrate now."

"Look, I had to tell you because I was thinking of putting the baby up for adoption. And I needed your agreement."

"I don't want to have my child being taken care of by someone that's not blood. Especially since there are options for me to take care of it." He stated. "Jade… Please don't."

"I'm seventeen years old! I can't take care of a baby and still get to do what I planned to do with my life." I sighed.

"Don't you feel anything for our baby?" He asked.

"I couldn't have an abortion… I couldn't do that. I love this baby but I can't take care of it so I have to do what is best."

"What about me?"

"What about you? Aren't you like eighteen and on an early admission track to USC? This baby couldn't have come at a worse time."

Oh this conversation was making me tired. "Right…" he said growing quiet. "We have time right?"

I sighed, "yes… Listen, I need a nap…"

"Jade?"

"What?" I groan.

"Do you wanna try just going out see if we work out?" He said. My heart dropped to my stomach. My eyes began to sting… I can't do that. It should have happened this way in the first place. But when this happened I wasn't even myself.

"I'm… I'm in mourning… this all happened because my boyfriend died. I don't want to go out with anyone." I said. "Besides, if I'm not keeping this kid, I don't need to have a relationship with you."

"Well… I want to try, if only because I actually like you." He stated

"Fine, we'll go on a date… we'll make plans for the baby… okay?

I could hear the smile in his voice. "That's all I'm asking. I'll see you next week."

"Yeah, whatever. Bye." I said and hung up the phone.

* * *

**September 12****th**

I can't believe this is happening. I mean really? Okay so I went on this date. I dressed like I was supposed to on a date. But I forgot to tell my hormones to behave.

Let me explain… Tori came over to help me get ready. She stood behind me putting the red clip-ons in my hair. I was taking Beck with me no matter what. Tori had to help me with my hair because the heat from straightening then curling was just too much to handle. "This could be really good for you Jade." She said

My head was in my hands. It was amazing how tired I was just getting ready for this. My head felt heavy and my muscles ached as if I had just run a marathon. "I just don't want to go anywhere." I stated.

"Yes, but what if you do decide to keep the baby, wouldn't it be great to be able to tell her you tried to be with her dad, as opposed to her being some drunken tryst. Don't you think she would feel more wanted if she knew you tried a relationship?"

"Maybe." I sighed. "I'm just tired. School was hard this week. I'm tired."

"I get it, you're tired," Tori laughed. "If all else fails it's a free meal, and you get to make some plans."

"Okay," I stated and sighed standing up and heading to the door.

I met Brandon at Karaoke Dokie he had gotten his hair cut into a low cut. His hair, it just seemed to fade from dark, to nothing at the bottom. Anyway he looked really good. Berf should get his hair like that too. I smiled as he stood up for me. He kissed my cheek and pulled out the chair for me.

Can I tell you that that stupid kiss on the cheek totally pressed my on button? I took a deep breath and sat down crossed my legs and folded my arms across the front of my chest to cover the immediate hardening of my nipples. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm growing a person." I answered curtly.

"Well you look beautiful doing it." He said as the waiter dropped some water off at our table.

"Yeah, whatever." I stated and began to sip my water.

"Are you always so difficult?"

"Apparently not, or else we wouldn't be having this conversation." I answered and he sighed. The waitress came up to us, and kind if flirted with him right in front of me. Usually that would be cause for me to murder either the rival or my boyfriend, but I couldn't care less about Brandon right now. I could only focus on the fact that he was not Beck.

She took our order and we talked a little, just kind of getting to know the family and stuff. When we finished eating he got a really thoughtful look and took my hand. "Jade you know how I feel about this, but it's up to you. I'm here for you, always."

Damn, that just sent a thrill to me. "Really?"

He nodded and lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Lets get you home." He whispered.

I smiled and followed him out of the door. He kept his hands entwined with mine, and led me to his car. He opened the door for me, and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. I turned my head and he landed that kiss on my lips. I cupped his face and made the kiss linger. With a lick, I deepened the kiss and it was like a jolt of energy ran through my body. I shivered as I kissed my baby's father. A guy who told me he would be here for me.

Above all things, I know that this was something I really needed. Physically. We parted and I ducked my head a little. "Do you want to try this?" He asked.

"Okay, Let's see how it goes." I said. He lifted my chin and kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around him to hold him closer. And that's it. That's how this started. This was a brutal make out session that I needed to stop before it got too far. I closed my eyes and moaned as he pressed his hips against mine. He moved against me in simulation of sex as his hands found their way up my shirt. The warmth of his hand on my chest felt great and I felt my blood rush to where his hand was touching me.

I had given up on stopping by this time; that is until he squeezed my super tender breast. I screamed in pain and pulled my knee up to protect myself. In that process, I kicked him in the groin. Good. I hadn't meant to do that, but he deserved it. I mean, his mother is a Gynecologist, he should have known not to squeeze the melons.

I cried and rubbed my tender chest as I pushed the simpering boy off of me. "I'm sorry." He squeaked.

"Look, this would have been a mistake right now anyway. See ya later." I said, and walked out of his car and got into mine while he recovered in the back seat.

* * *

**September 19****th**

"I miss you, but you have to move on and do what's best for your baby." Beck said to me. He held me as we stood on something like a cloud. He looked so beautiful; so real. I knew it was a dream but I didn't want to wake up.

"I kind of like him, but…" I started.

"Jade I can't be with you anymore." He stated letting go of me. "I love you, and I always will, but I can't come back to see you anymore."

I wanted to cry as his face began to fade. "Why not? Please don't go. I love you!"

"I know you do babe. But you have to live, for your little girl." He said now what made him think this baby was a girl. Tori said it was a girl before. Now that was two people who have said it.

"Girl?"

"Yes, name her something pretty won't you?" He said as he completely faded away.

"No Beck!" I shouted. "Don't go I love you."

"I love you too Jade…. Jade… Jade." I started shaking and everything went black

"Jade… are you alright?" That was Tori. "You were crying."

I groaned and lifted my head from the desk, a long string of spit hanging from my mouth. Man I have been drooling so much since this pregnancy it was embarrassing. I wiped my face with my sleeve and closed my soaked history book. "Sorry, let's get out of here." I said.

I got up and a wave of dizziness hit me and I stumbled backward. Cat and Tori sort of caught me and held me up. "Take it easy Jadey." Cat said on my right side.

"Oh boy," I said and shook my head, "I think I need a snack or something."

"Come on, it's lunch time. Maybe Festus has something you can stomach." Tori said.

We all headed out to the Asphalt Café, and I headed straight to Jet Brew. I hadn't had coffee in three days; I guess I could use a reward. I ordered up a small coffee and praised myself silently for not buying a large cup of wonderful black energy. "Should you be drinking that?" Cat asked with a gasp.

"Jade, is coffee allowed?" Tori asked.

"In moderation. I've been good for three days, plus I don't want to be a drooling mess the rest of the day." I said then took a sip of my coffee and reveled in it before following my nose to Festus' truck.

Every thing smelled stomach turning, but I was actually really hungry. Maybe I should have a salad. So that was what I ordered and we headed to our table. As we approached it I slowed down. It always felt weird to sit there now. Tori patted my back to urge me on and walked around me to sit by her waiting boyfriend. She kissed him and began talking to him animatedly, as Cat sat next to Robbie and he held her hand.

I sighed and forged on and just as I reached the table. Someone covered my eyes. I prickled but I supposed of just being my boyfriend for a week he is really trying. I turned to face Brandon and he kissed me. I pulled away, "What are you doing here?"

"I got out of class early, and thought I'd come and visit my girl during lunch." We sat down next to each other and I kind of looked at him sitting in Beck's spot; a spot that had been empty since school started. I wasn't the only one that stared, Tori, Andre, Cat and Robbie kind of stared in stunned silence. "What? I got a bugger or something?"

They all were waiting for me to say something. So I did. "Let's move to the other table… so we can be alone."

"Well, okay." He said confused. "I just wanted to hang with your friends, to get to know them. Are you embarrassed?"

"No." I stated sitting at the next table over. I sat closer to him to reassure him that it isn't him. "You were sitting in Beck's spot. We were all kind of freaking out." I admitted.

"Oh," He stated, "I'm sorry."

"We'll get over it." I mumbled and began to dig into the salad.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better I think." I stated as I put another fork full of salad. Then he took the cover of his food. I gagged. "Or not." I moved away from him and took a deep breath. "Um… see you later." I stood up and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom to puke the contents of my stomach out.


	4. October: Week 12-15

**A/N: Okay, so this is October, the third month in. I have finally gotten out of my writing slump and have had some major flashes of smutty brilliance. I may do some one shots... Stay tuned.- S.K.  
**

* * *

**October: Weeks 12- 15**

* * *

_"When it comes to sex, the rule of thumb is proceed with caution!"_

* * *

**September 26th**

* * *

Getting ready for school this morning was hell. I tried to put on my clothes, avoiding the maternity pants for as long as I could. But as I lay on my bed trying to suck in a gut that is clearly not budging I began to cry.

The fucking hormones are killing me. I mean what is the big deal? Why can't I just pull some pants on without crying? I sat in bed with a sigh. I had been missing Beck like crazy this week. I know I have to think of this baby and move on and everything, but I couldn't help but wish it were his.

I finally calmed down I sat up and left my Jeans unbuttoned. The shirt I was wearing went over my hips so my belly would be concealed. I breathed in a sigh, and grabbed my bag on the way out of the room.

"Jade eat." I heard my mother from behind her Pear pad at the kitchen table.

"I don't feel like puking before I get to school." I said stopping at the kitchen counter.

"If you eat a little, you'd be surprised how not nauseous you feel." Mom said putting the electronic device down. She stood up and walked over to the fridge. "Pay attention because I am not going to do this every day." She said as she pulled out several baggies from the fridge filled with fruit and cheese and crackers. "Every time you feel nauseous. Grab a baggie of the thing you feel like eating most, and eat it. It will take the nausea away I guarantee it."

I looked at her warily and grabbed the baggie with mango in it. I was nauseous, so I figured I would test that theory. "If I end up hating mangoes because of this I will never forgive you." I stated and took a nibble of a slice of mango. Almost as soon as the mango hit my stomach fluid, it calmed the angry nauseous feeling I had. "How…" I said in shock.

"I've done this before." She said with a smirk. "I think that you are so used to the whole morning sickness thing that your body identifies nausea with hunger. But then again I am no medical doctor. All I know is a little nibble of cheese usually did the trick for me."

I smiled and grabbed all of the baggies and stuffed all of them, but the one with the mangoes I was nibbling on, inside my bag. "Thanks, going to be late tonight there are auditions."

"Bye," She said as I headed out of the house with my mangoes in hand.

* * *

I watched Vega rock another audition, and for once, I was glad, because I felt like there was no way I could pull off lead.

The five of us sat around waiting for Sikowitz to post casting. I loved it that he liked to do things same day. I hated waiting. I sighed and reached into my bag for a string cheese. "Hey Jade?" I heard from behind me.

I looked at my new best friend Tori. I wanted to smile, but come on it's me. I had to keep up appearances. "Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favor?" She asked tentatively. I shrugged and she took a deep breath. Seriously? I thought she and I were getting along well. I mean at least well enough that she could ask me anything. After everything she'd done for me?

"Oh god, you're not pregnant and asking me to raise the baby as my own are you?" I said jumping to the only conclusion I could come up with. "Because I don't even think I am raising my own."

She smiled and shook her head. "No… It's just I would love your help with my Senior Project."

I raised my eyebrows. "That's it?" She nodded. I scoffed and shook my head. "Of course I'll help Vega."

"Will you work on the project together?" She asked tentatively. "I mean like have you decided on your project?"

I actually hadn't thought about it. "Why? What are you thinking?"

"Um, something like a hybrid movie and a documentary." She said biting her lip. She still looked nervous.

"A mockumentary of what… Tori." I asked.

"A girl…" she started and put on a sheepish grin. "Who is pregnant, and is a teenager."

"Forget it." I said as my whole body kind of prickled. "This is not something that should be a spectacle…"

"No Jade, wait…" Tori said. "This is the last thing I want to be a spectacle. Your personal dilemma will not be the subject, that is why I need you as a screen writer."

I stopped to look at her. "How do you mean?"

"Script this, make it different from your story. Like maybe Beck is the dad, and so you have this thing to do all by yourself. It's like a video diary, and we will follow you around and we'll do some scripted things, and watch you grow and turn in a finished product in June."

I pursed my lips as I thought about what she was telling me. I'm proud of myself because years ago I would have torn her a new one for even suggesting this. Now I understand why she was so nervous to ask me in the first place. The thing wasn't a bad Idea. I mean it isn't like we know many people in my situation. "Okay." I said and stood up and walked over to where Sikowitz was now posting the cast list.

"Really?" Tori said following me. Even though I wasn't looking at her, I knew she was smiling.

"Yes… Cause I'm not doing this again any time soon." I said and went to see what part I would be playing.

* * *

**October 3rd**

* * *

"AH!" I utter involuntarily. Fuck Brandon is way better than I remember. Well of course I don't remember anything. So that really isn't saying much. I lay beneath him because damn it, he was talking to me and then we made out and all of these hormones were driving me insane. "Uh God B…"

"You like that?" He asked as he moved within me. He pulled my hair making my head tilt back as he brought his lips to my pulse point. I moaned my pleasure and my insides began to quake.

We finished pretty fast, and I tried not to compare him to Beck's practiced knowledge of my body. But I couldn't help it. I missed him. Afterwards, we lay there his long brown fingers tracing the green veins that have started to pop up on my chest. I take my hands and run them along his muscular arm and take note on how shocking the difference in our color is. Brandon is not really dark, but next to my Incredibly pale skin, he is so dark. Our baby is going to be beautiful.

I guess he noticed me looking and took my hand and interlaced our fingers. "Thank you," He murmured kissing my hand.

I blinked and looked at him. "I think, this was an equally beneficial instance." I said with a laugh then sighed.

"So, are you still want to give the baby up?"

I groaned internally and rolled my eyes. "Way to spoil the mood Brandon." I stated as I rolled out of his extra long twin bed. Brandon's roommate had gone out on a date, and would probably want to use the room pretty soon anyway. I reached for my underwear and Jeans pulling them on just as he reached for his boxer briefs.

"No, Jade…" He sighed and pulled the underwear on. "I just meant, can I come with you to meet parents?"

I looked at him, my blouse hanging off of me wide open. He looked pretty hot just standing there in his underwear. His chest was well defined, and his eyes didn't do that stupid puppy dog thing his brother's did. There was a fire there. They were super sexy bedroom eyes and I felt moist all over again. Stupid hormones. "Seriously?"

He nodded, looking at my chest, his eyes a little hungry and I wet a little more. Damn hormones. "Yeah, I mean… I think I might know a couple already."

_Jade control yourself_. I thought as I stood there listening to what he was telling me. Which was exactly what I wanted to hear. "Okay…" I said.

He just kind of stood smiled, a damn sexy smile and I sighed. Fuck it. I took off my blouse again and jumped on him getting it started all over again.

* * *

**October 10th**

* * *

This was the first day I was going to go to school with actual maternity pants. It felt weird to wear clothes with elastic, especially since I wasn't really that big. But I just didn't fit my clothes anymore. So it was either this or go to school naked.

I feel great though; I mean I stopped puking all the time. My boobs don't hurt as much when Brandon touches them, and he is so good with his tongue… uh… but I digress. I don't get tired like I used to.

The only thing is that I seem to have a perpetual cold. My nose is stuffed, but I don't feel sick at . Dunniver says that's normal. Well I supposed that is one of the least annoying changes my body is going through.

I stepped out of my car, and was soon Followed by Robbie and Sinjin who were filming me for the Mockumentary. They filmed me going into the building and stopped me. "Jade!" Sinjin said.

"What?" I asked pausing at my locker.

"We need to take "B" roll." Which in this case was the interview. "We want to do it out at the Asphalt."

I sighed, and headed out to our usual lunch table and sat on the tabletop waiting for them to cue me. "Okay Jade." Robbie said bringing the boom closer to me. "Action."

"I haven't told my best friend Erica about the baby yet… I wonder if she'll look at me differently. I mean, all of these Teen Mom shows I see, the moms loose their friends because they can't relate. But she's all I got since Randy died…" I pause as if I were getting emotional. I sniff and lean forward. "I'm sorry… I… I can't." I get up off the table and walk away, and back toward the building.

"Cut!" Robbie said, and I stopped walking. "That was great. We'll just follow you the rest of the day and we'll film other dialogue at the end of the day before school lets out for free period."

I nodded and threw my thumbs up and headed toward the Jet brew cart. I slowed down when I got there, and smiled. "Here's your coffee." Brandon said handing me the steaming cup.

"You're a life saver." I went on my toes and gave him a kiss. I remembered when Beck and I used to be like this and felt a little pang in my chest. It is hurting a little less these days.

"What were you doing?" He asked.

I looked back at Robbie and Sinjin who stopped filming me right now because Brandon is not part of this story. "Senior project." I answered taking a sip of the coffee. "It's a mockumentary."

"Oh… so you are the subject, and they are following you around?" He asked wrapping his arms around me.

I inhaled and was so glad that his smell didn't sicken me anymore, and that I could enjoy his body pressed against mine, no pain, no nausea. He nuzzled my neck and whispered."Come to my dorm tonight." Then he kissed my pulse point and I shivered.

"I have to do this all day." I moaned quietly into his ear. "Maybe after… but, mom wants me home by ten."

"I forget that you're still a minor." He said with his lips against mine.

"Hey Bro…" We heard and jumped apart startled.

"Hey…" Brandon said blushing. That's so cute. I bring the coffee to my lips to hide the smile on my lips.

"Mom wants you and Jade to come over for dinner tomorrow." He said to both of us.

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline."You said what now?" I asked refusing to do a spit take and waste precious coffee.

"Well, she wants to welcome you into the family." Berf said.

"What? Your brother and I are not married. I am not family." I answered.

"But you're having my baby… that makes you family." Brandon stated and I paused. I guess I was tied to this family forever, whether I kept the baby or not.

I began to get uncomfortable in this conversation so I just started to back up. "Um… I'm going to be late for class." Brandon looked at me then reached for my hand as I began to turn.

He pulled me in and held me against his chest. My heart quickened as his lips neared mine and he kissed me intensely there in front of the Jet brew cart and Berf. My free arm snaked up around his neck. When I was done I took his ear and pulled his head away from me. "I really have to go now." I said and disengaged from him. I smiled and waved goodbye as I walked into the building.

* * *

**October 17th**

* * *

"Hi, Jade!" Samantha told me in greeting.

"Hey…" I said walking into the triage area. This time alone, because this appointment was right afterschool.

"Let's get you weighed in." She said. I was kind of eager to see how much I had gained, I feel like I gained a ton, none of my clothes fit. I step on the scale and watched the numbers go up to 123. I gained three pounds in a month and a half. I wonder what she'll say about it. She will probably say I'm eating too much because I am a total fat ass.

She wrote down the number and clucked. "You're going to get it." She mumbled to herself as she put the blood pressure cuff on my arm. "Your pressure is good," she signals to the open door down the hall. "Your table awaits."

"Do I have to get undressed again?" I asked.

"No… just a little update. Have a seat and she will see you soon." She left me alone in the room staring at the pink walls. There was a model of a pregnant woman cut in half. The baby was just hanging in its little nook. There wall pictures and models of boobs everywhere.

"Knock-knock!" Dr. Dunniver said walking into the room. I looked over at the older woman.

"How is it ethical for me to keep seeing you?" I asked sitting at the table.

"Because, you are not married to my son." She answered. "I just really would like to be a part of this some how."

"Okay…" I said with a nod. "What do you want me to do?"

"We're going to measure you and listen in on the baby." She said and I lay back as she search for something she called the fundus. Which is the top of my uterus to measure how big the baby is. Then we listened to that little heart beat again that always seemed to lift my mood no matter how low it had gotten.

"It's so fast…" I whispered. My lips couldn't help but curl up into a smile. What she would look like? Would she have my eyes and her father's skin… Yeah that would be so cute.

Dr. Dunniver smiled back and took the probe away again. "You have a beautiful smile." I was startled out of my images of my baby. "You can sit up now."

I did as I was told and waited for further instructions. "I know this is just getting into your second trimester but it is not too early to start thinking bout birthing plans." She stated. She went on and on about how many different ways I could go about having this baby, and I realized I hadn't even decided who her parents would be yet. "…Next month we will have an ultrasound and you get to find out the sex of the baby if you like."

I blinked; I mean I already knew it was a girl. Beck had already told me so. But to know for certain that he was right would be awesome. But I wouldn't want him to be wrong either. "Okay."

"What do you think it is?" She asked switching out of doctor mode.

"I think it's a baby." I said I don't want her thinking that I am at all attached to this baby. I have to give her up for adoption even if it kills me.

Her eyes saddened and she pressed her lips together. "I'm sorry… I'm excited." She said placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I would think you'd be devastated. This is not exactly the ideal time for your child to be having a baby."

"Brandon will finish what he started, and so will you no matter what the two of you decide," she stated. "I am disappointed, but it isn't the baby's fault. It deserves everything a loving family can give."

I smiled, we agreed on that at least. "How does an open adoption work?" It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Dr. Dunniver's brows furrowed. "I mean Brandon said that he knew someone that would adopt and be willing to make it an open adoption."

"Well… That just means that your child will know you are it's mother, even if the adopted parents care and nourish it all its life you will be allowed to come into its life and get to know it."

"The baby is not an it…" I said getting irritated by her use of the pronoun.

She smiled indulgently, "of course."

"We're meeting with them next week." I said standing up. "If I decide to go with them… don't they pick the birthing plan?"

"No… this is your experience. It is whatever makes you more comfortable."

"Thanks, Dr. Dunniver." I stated and walked toward the door. I was going to meet with the Johnsons and I was already prepared not to like them. But knowing that I would still know my child and my child will know me… that was a completely different story.


	5. End of October: Week 16-17

**End of October Weeks 16-17**

**October 24th**

"So what are you gonna be for Halloween?" Cat asked me twirling her dumb finger in her dumb hair.

"Yeah Baby, you could be a sexy devil." My dumb as boyfriend chimed in. I don't know why I agreed to allow my friends and Brandon to hang together. He just didn't fit. I wasn't about to give up my link to Beck, just to suit my baby daddy.

I turned a glare at him. "Don't call me that."

He put his hands up and kind of backed off of me. "My bad… damn." He said and sort of crossed his arms across his chest.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Tori. "What are you and Andre doing?" I asked.

She giggled, " Mario and Princess peach!" Andre chuckled.

"Really?" I rolled my eyes as she stood, heading up the stairs. A few minutes later she came downstairs with a sickly pink princess peach dress with invisible paneling on the side and just enough to cover her breast and mid section down to her belly button. And the skirt was supper short with tutu's underneath so she would have to wear bloomers to keep decent. "Oh my god…" I said in shock.

"Damn…" Andre stated a little drool forming at the corner of his mouth.

I smirked and turned to Brandon, who was staring at the dress like it was something he wished she had modeled for us. This should really bother me, I really should, but I was seriously irked at him for the bull he pulled this afternoon with the baby's Maybe Parents. I huffed and folded my arms in front of me and did not look at him again.

"So Jade…" Tori said setting her costume down. "How did it go today with the Johnsons?"

"They were fine!" I stated and shrugged, "Great even. Just don't think they would want adopt the baby now."

"Why not?" Andre asked turning his attention from his girlfriend whom was now sitting in front of him between his legs. She settled against his chest and I kind of got Jealous, because Beck wasn't here to snuggle with. I turned from the sight and caught a glimpse of Cat playing with Robbie's fingers. I guess they all thought that since Brandon and I were a couple, this shit would no longer bother me… Wrong.

I looked away again and swallowed. "Brandon got all pushy. I could tell they were a little bothered about how involved he wanted to be."

"It's our child Jade!" He said, I knew he noticed how their displays were affecting me. And he tried to be as gentle with me as possible. He also knew better than to try to touch me.

"If they adopt the baby, it would be their child, not mine. Not yours! Get that through your thick skull." I turned to him in anger. "If you wanted to be that involved, you should raise the child on your own!"

"I want to raise my child Jade. I want it to know who daddy is!" He answered.

"WE can't raise a baby! You have to study! You will loose your fucking scholarship because it isn't easy!" I stood up and began to pace the room as I ranted. "I mean for God's sake. I live with a mother who's raised me alone… and she's got money! IT ISN'T EASY. I only want what is best for this baby… we aren't it!"

"But Jade… We are together in this. I mean, we seem to be getting along great, and my momma wants to help…"

"Your mother nearly had a heart attack when I told her the baby was yours." I said with a bitter laugh. "Brandon, I have a million dreams that I want to fulfill. With a baby they aren't impossible but they are in serious jeopardy. Besides… We, aren't a we anymore."

Oh my god, did I just break up with him in front of my friends? I looked at him his facial expression was dumbstruck. "We what?"

"Oh my god… B-" I started walking back toward him.

"It's alright… I guess I should have seen that coming." He said walking toward the door. He was my ride… Fuck. "I'm not giving up my parental right." He said and slammed the door to the Vega's house on the way out.

My hands quickly found my hair and I ran my fingers through it. "Oh Shit…"

I felt Tori's hand on my shoulder. She squeezed. "You wanna stay the night? Or do you wanna go home now?" I turned to face tory and she wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm so screwed…" I mumbled into her shoulder. Then I felt slim arms around my waist and smelled the sweetness of Cat right next to me. Then Andre's strong embrace around both his girl and eye and Robbie couldn't be left behind.

"We're here for you Jade… Always." Tori whispered kissing my temple. Cat squeezed my middle lightly, and a big male hand ruffled my hair. That made me disengage. I looked up at the hand; it was Robbie. I elbowed him in the rib and Headed for the stairs. "I'm going to sleep Vega."

"Okay," She said with a sigh. "I'll talk to you later 'Dre…" She said and I heard lip smacking before I rounded the corner to her room.

October 31st

Tori Laughed when she saw me. "Jade! That is an awesome costume."

I smirked and looked down at my rounded belly. It was a bloody t-shirt with a baby's arms sticking out holding a little umbilical chord that if I pressed a button would squirt blood out. I walked into Tori's house where her lame Halloween party was not so lame.

This week I kind of popped out of myself a little; and the baby bump kind of made its appearance just in time for my favorite holiday. I heard a squeal from my right. Cat was freaked out by the costume. "Oh my god Jade your baby's falling out!"

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the couch next to some dude in a mask. "Now that is an awesome costume."

I looked over at him. "Berf?"

"Yeah," he said nodding his beastly head. I turned my head. I had no ill feelings toward Brandon's brother, but I really didn't like him either. "You know he was never gonna let that baby go right?"

I turned back to him. "Why not?"

"Our dad died just before we were born. He I some guy we never knew. And deep down Brandon knows he couldn't be there for us but he always wanted to know him." He reached up and took off his mask. "Bri's dad raised us, mom decided never to talk about our dad at all. Did not go over well with Brandon."

I let out a breath. "But he and I can't raise this baby."

Berf shook his head. "No, and I know what you want to do with your life, and what he wants to do with his. It isn't impossible to be a parent and be a star… just harder." And with that, uncle Berf walked away.

Truthfully he almost convinced me that I needed to keep her. There wasn't much that wouldn't do that. I was attached to the baby already. Tori and Andre sat next to me on either side. "What was that all about?" Andre asked.

"Berf told me why Brandon is so… into child rearing." I stated and placed my hand on my belly. If I had been with Beck that night, this baby might have been his not Brandon's. Beck is dead, would I have given the baby up then? Probably not.

"What are you gonna do?" Tori asked.

I looked around the room. "Right now… I'm gonna eat, I'm starving." I said standing and heading straight for the pizza on the counter.


	6. November: Weeks 18-21

**A/N:This took me forever to get to I am sorry but I just finally got this done. it is still Thursday night in some places so you could say I made it on Thursday. I'll try not to take so long next . -S.K.**

* * *

**November: Weeks 18-21**

_ "Those aren't butterflies, it's your baby!"_

* * *

**November 7****th**

* * *

"HOLY SHIT! OW." I screamed as I woke up in the middle of the night. I got a Charlie horse. I cried, and cried and it got a hold on me and tightened.

Mom heard me and came into my room. "What's the matter?" she asked as I writhed around in pain.

"Charlie horse, Charlie horse." I cry and burry my head in my pillow to scream as I feel my mom grab my leg and my foot and makes me flex.

"Jade breath and relax!" she stated calmly.

"YOU RELAX!" I shouted back as the pain shot up my leg and on to my back.

"This is normal, you need to relax so that the stretch can help." She insisted. And I whimpered as she pointed and flexed my foot.

"Oh… FUCK!" I screamed as the cramp gripped me once more. Mom massaged my calf and worked the cramp out of the muscles. All I could do is cry. It was the worst feeling I had ever had.

Slowly, the cramp let up and I was able to relax. Between the leg cramps abdominal cramps and my aching back, this pregnancy was so painful. I sighed. "Better?" mom asked.

"How is this worth it mom?" I asked finally sitting up.

Mom smiled, "If I didn't go through this I wouldn't have you to brighten up my day."

I groaned and rolled my eyes I lay back, and suddenly felt a strange fluttering in my stomach. I looked down at it and went up on my elbows. "What was that?"

Mom leaned forward. "What?"

"Is that the baby moving? Like butterflies!" I stated excitedly looking at mom.

She laughed. "You see… it was worth it."

"It kinda is…"I said softly.

Later that morning I walked into school small cup of coffee in my hand. Don't judge me I didn't sleep well. After getting that charlie horse and the baby doing flips inside me… Is started to worry that she was getting all tangled up in the chord.

"Hey… hey." I heard coming from next to me.

"Yo," I stated bringing the coffee to my lips.

"When do you find out?" Vega asked.

"Next Thursday." I answered.

"Can we film?" I stopped short and looked at her. I suppose it would be good for the assignment.

"Yeah, I guess. But I think Just you and the camera, Brandon's probably gonna wanna be there too… and my mom, and everything."

"Sweet!" She said and hugged me to her.

"Let go of me Vega."

* * *

**November 14****th**

* * *

My stomach growled as I sat in Dr. Dunniver's waiting room Brandon sat next to me and looked at me when he heard that. "Hungry?"

"Always." I said and looked at Tori who had just turned the camera off. "Vega, I want a copy of this when you cut it."

Tori nodded. "Just this, or the whole movie, cause I was planning on giving you the whole thing."

I thought about this… at the end of this journey I won't have the baby, nor will I have the man that created the baby, but I did want this, Sure the movie is fictional but most of this is real. "Yeah thanks Vega."

"Jade West!" Sam called out and smiled at me. "Girl lets get this party started. Stand on this scale."

Ugh I didn't want to look but I did, I was up five pounds from before. Gross. Finally it was time for me to see my baby girl, all I needed was confirmation. "I think you're wrong." Brandon said breaking into my thoughts.

"About what?" I snapped a bit irate.

"It's a boy. I dreamt it." He stated. "Just like you dreamt it."

"If it's a boy, We'll keep it, If it's a girl you give up parental rights and I do what I want." I said confidently.

"What? No way we don't gable with our baby's life." I pause and looked at Tori who was not filming this.

"You need to let me take the decision for my life here… PLEASE!" I begged. We were now facing off in front of his mother and mine.

"Jade, Brandon, don't…" Dr. Dunniver began but I turned a glear at her.

"It was not my fault your father wasn't there. You are not your father. You are your own person. Your father didn't have a choice. But you do." I stated and sighed. "Bri's dad is an incredible man. He raised you to have honor and I hope some common sense."

He looked at me thoughtfully. "So are still thinking The Johnsons?"

I smiled and dropped my head thanking whoever was listening for small victories. "Yeah, They're great."

"Okay, Lets take a look at this baby shall we?" Dr. Dunniver finally interceded. She came around and put her hand on Brandon's shoulder as my mom helped me up on to the table.

Tori moved to a place where she could se me and the monitor but not Brandon. Dr Dunniver took the icky blue gel and spread it over my belly and there on the screen was an image of my baby she was so much smaller than I expected. I feel like a whale. "There 's your baby… " The doctor said taking note of many of the measurements she was taking. "She looks great."

"She?" Brandon asked. My heart accelerated.

"She…" The doctor said and smiled at her son. "Moms are generally right when they have such strong feelings."

"I knew it!" I shouted happily, and reached for the picture Dr. Dunniver had for me. I looked at my little girl. Mine… and my heart broke at the thought of that. Beck told me to live for my little girl. Here it was confirmed and I was only thinking about how she was going to ruin my chances at everything.

"The Johnsons are going to love her." Brandon said softly.

I nodded. "Yes they are." I whispered.

* * *

**November 22**

* * *

Mom and I were invited to The Dunniver's for Thanksgiving. My god why did mom say yes? It wasn't like Brandon and I were together anymore.

The Dunnivers had some seriously fucked up traditions. I don't do outside… yet they had me at a freaking Turkey farm at the butt crack of dawn picking the fucking turkey I was supposed to eat…The turkey was alive.

I was miserable, and thank God Dr Dunniver said I didn't have to get too close to the turkeys, because of something that could happen to the baby. We picked one seriously scrawny bird. That was raised in sunny southern California, it did not know it's destiny was to end up as my dinner.

Dr. Dunniver is a beast. I watched as she took the animal and wrung it's neck. My stomach turned as I smelled the blood. I gagged and walked away. "Jade where are you going?" Mom asked walking with me.

"I don't have to be here for this. " I said heading for the van we rode in on and sat by the open door.

"Jade they are your child's family."

"Mom, this baby, I can't think of her as mine. I am a surrogate, nothing more." I said feeling my insides twist even more as I spoke the words.

"You are wrong." Mom said. "Just because you give her to another family It won't make you feel like less of her mother. This isn't going to be easy by any means."

"What do you want me to do? I can't bond with her any more than I already am." I try to keep my heart from falling out of my chest by folding my arms across my chest. "I am dying inside, I look at that picture of the ultrasound every night and I die a little."

"Jade, you don't have to give her up." Mom said softly and the Dunnivers came to the van.

"Lets get this baby home and gutted!" Mr. Dunniver said placing a plastic bag with the bird in the back of the van. I sat sandwiched between Berf and mom just wanting to run away.

* * *

The Johnsons joined us for dinner, they were close friends of the Dunnivers and this way The open adoption would work best for Brandon. We sat around the table and ate after they had given Grace and thanks for like forever. What was I thankful for? This year had been hell for me. My friends. That's what I was thankful for… because I don't know where I would be without Andre, Cat, and Vega.

"So, Jade." Mr. Dunniver started. I looked up from my plate. "Why did you and Brandon break up? I mean what's the real reason?"

I folded my arms putting my fork down. "What makes you think he lied to you?"

"Because you not wanting to mess his life up does not make sense to me."

"Dad," Brandon and Berf both stated.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't love him enough to stay with him. I am in love with a dead boy. Does that make sense to you?"

"Wait, how do you know this baby is not that other boy you are talking about?"

"William!" Dr. Dunniver said in shock.

"Well I just want to make sure my boy isn't being lied to that is all Brenda."

"Yeah… this is an incredible trap." I said and looked at the Johnsons. "None of this is easy for me. So if you would please excuse me, I would really like to go home now."

"Jade," Mrs. Johnson stated. "It was nice seeing you again."

I nodded and kept moving.

* * *

**November 30****th**

* * *

I sat in the Black box, munching on some nachos and reading a script then I feel something a little more than a flutter in my stomach and I smiled. "Hey Baby girl." I swear she reacted when she heard my voice it was as if she knew I was talking to her.

"Oh Mommy wishes she could keep you. Name you…" I paused and looked down at my belly. "Maybe I should just have something to call you. Just don't tell anyone."

"Beck, a friend of mommy's told me that I should love you, Maybe I can call you something like Becker. Do you like that?" I asked her. I got some friendly kicks in response and I smiled.

"Jade!" I jumped startled and turned to glare at Sikowitz. "Talking to your fetus are you?"

"No," I answered quickly.

"You should, talk too it as many times as you can." He said sitting in front of me. "It is good for a childless mother's soul to know she cared enough about her child before she gave her to the family that would care for her for life.

"You don't think it's a bad idea for me to bond with her?"

"It is impossible for you not to bond with her. She is your parasite. You are one right now and bonded for eternity." Then he stood up and stretched. "You might as well enjoy it while you can."

I watched that man go as I rubbed my belly. "Becker… Mom Loves you."


	7. December: weeks 22-26

**A/N: Yes this story again... trying to get it caught up and stuff. almost there. now I'm only a month behind instead of a whole trimester. This chapter is a little bit painful and stuff. but I hope you enjoy it anyway.- S.K.**

* * *

**December: weeks 22-25**

* * *

**December 7****th**

* * *

Becker's got me waddling. Ugh I hate that. So as I walked into school, I straightened up and made a concerted effort to walk like a normal person, and not a penguin. I sighed as I approached my locker. "Hey, Jade!" Tori said coming up to me.

I smiled Glad that it was she, and not someone more annoying. I had no patience for that. "Hey," I answered as I entered the combination on the locker, smirking at myself for thinking of Vega as the least annoying person in my day. The dork was growing on me exponentially.

"How are you feeling?" Tori is the only one who bothers to ask me this outside of Dr. Dunniver and Mom. As if she knows that it isn't about how my body feels but how my soul feels.

"Okay for now." I answered. Just then Cat came bounding down the hallway.

"Hi, hi!" Then she stopped short and squeaked. I looked at her and followed her line of sight. Crap her hand reached out before I could move out of the way. She was on my belly cooing at it. "Jade' you are so cute! Such a cute little round belly."

"GET. OFF. ME. CAT!" I screamed as Tori pulled her away. "NEVER Touch me again!" I accentuated that by slamming my locker shut.

Cat shrunk back and I immediately felt bad. I wanted to apologize but I was to angry for it to come out right. So I just walked away.

Later that afternoon I sat alone at the black box. Well semi-alone I was supposed to ignore SinJin and just do what I normally do. I got a particularly serious cramp on my upper leg and lower back. "Holy Sh…" I groaned and tried to work the pain out. "Becker why are you so mean to me?"

"Who's Becker?" I heard. I turned and noticed Cat walking into the Black Box.

"The Baby apparently." Sinjin answered her.

"You are supposed to be a silent observer Sinjin." I moaned.

Cat giggled, "Becker?" My head snapped in her direction. "Why Becker and not Becca or something pretty like that?"

The pain forgotten, I lunged at Cat, with no one to stop me, because SinJin was on the catwalk. I pinned Kitty Cat down on to a seat and growled. "Did I ask your Fucking opinion? Did I put it on a fucking poll on the Slap entitled, 'help Jade name her baby?'"

"But it's a boys name, and it's just not pretty." Cat continued to protest. I really wanted smack the taste out of her mouth. "Is she supposed to be named after Beck or something? That doesn't even make sense ... She's not-"

I raised my hand in a fit of anger and just before I struck Tori's arms encircled me and pulled me off of Cat. "I DIDN'T ASK YOUR OPINION, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL, SUGGEST, OR SCOFF AT ANY NAME I PICK for MY CHILD! MINE…. MINE!"

"It's just…" Cat said a little more shaken.

"Cat, stop." Tori stated rubbing small circles on my back to calm me. "You never tell a mother what you think about the name she picks for her child. Never. I mean even I knew that!"

I turned picked up my bag and stormed out of the black box. How DARE she tell me the name I give my child is not good enough? She can go Choke on one of those fucking pieces of bibble she loves so much.

I didn't get to my locker before I heard Tori come up behind me. I didn't feel like getting a lecture about being violent, or how Anger will affect Becker. I just didn't. If people didn't want me to be angry they should stop PISSING ME OFF! "Hey," she said softly.

I turned a glare at her, and I realized I hadn't done that to her in a while. But she isn't phased, she had a stupid smile on her face. "WHAT?" I snapped.

"You named her?" She said that stupid smile getting bigger.

I couldn't help but smile. "You don't think that's setting myself up for failure?"

"Well Yeah…" she answered then she shrugged. "But It's so cool that you named her. What's her name?"

"Becker." I stated, then I glared at her. "I swear to GOD if you criticize the name I will strangle you. There's no one out here to stop me."

Tori tilted her head and rolled the name around in her tongue a little. I realize the name is an acquired taste, but I didn't ask anyone's opinion, It was meant for me and me alone. "It's unique…" she said after a while. "Actually kinda pretty."

"Kind of?" I asked.

"It's like you. The name is just like you." Tori said. She shifted her focus on me. "Don't listen to anyone, you do what you have to do to deal with what you are doing. I know it isn't easy."

Just then Andre came up to her nodded at me and wrapped an arm around her. "Y'ready?"

She nodded and they walked away. I followed them with my eyes as they walked away in deep conversation.

* * *

**December 14****th**

* * *

Vega didn't come to school all week. We filmed today, we did. But she wasn't there. So there I was, standing out side with Sinjin and Robbie debating on whether I should be at Vegas with the two bozos, or not.

I turned to Robbie. "What did Andre say?"

"He hasn't talked to her in a week." Robbie said. I bit my lip. That was the last time I saw them together.

"Shit," I mumbled. "Go away." I told the two of them and I tested the door handle. It was actually locked. "I'm done filming." I knocked on the door.

"Are you sure?" Sinjin asked.

"GO. AWAY." I yell at the nerds as the door opens behind me.

"What do you wan't pregnant Freak?" I pushed past Trina.

"What are you doing home? Thought Vega was finally and only child." I stopped looking around the living room it was kinda dark.

"Winter break, dork." Trina stated.

"Where is she?" I said lacking the patience to deal with the freak.

"Her room, she's sick."

"Duh." I said heading up the stairs to see Tori. She was on her bed, her back to me. She wasn't asleep though. She was crying. I remembered what she did for me when I was in that position and I put my bag down on her desk chair, took of my jacket, and crawled in behind her and just held her. She sobbed harder when my arms went around her. I didn't ask her anything I just held her.

"I could feel it struggle." She said after a long time. "I could feel my baby fight to stay alive as they pulled it out of me. I did that. What kind of monster am I?"

My heart stopped and my brows furrowed. How far along was she? I wanted to ask but I said nothing, because it's what she would have done for me. It's just strange that she could go through with it when I couldn't Vega had guts.

"I just didn't want my parents to know. I didn't think I could deal with the disappointment. I don't like how they talk about…"

"Me?" I said softly, and she began to cry.

"They're my mom and dad… What if they had felt that way when I came along?" Her body was shaking and I held her tighter. "I almost kept it. I waited till the last minute… I was just starting to show." She talked as if she were in pain. Which I suppose she was, the worst kind of pain. The kind that only grief gives.

My eyes stung. "I'm sorry." I managed to keep the sob that was emerging from my voice.

"Our babies could have been friends." She whispered.

"You did what you had to do… Now you know better." I whispered. "You are not terrible. You are the best person I have ever met. You need to come back to school Sinjin and Robbie are driving me crazy."

She laughed and sobbed at the same time and turned to face me pressing her forehead against mine. "How's Andre?"

"He won't really talk. He actually won't stay at school more than one period at a time. That's why I came." I stated.

"Does she move a lot?" She asked looking down at my belly. Just as she asked she did move. She moves a lot when I lay down. I nodded at her. "She is lucky."

"You will be okay." I whispered back.

* * *

**December 21****st**

* * *

Tori didn't come back to school but Christmas was coming so it didn't really matter. I hung out with her as much as I could after school then, then I would go home and rest.

I was at her house on the day before Christmas. She looked better, but she still didn't want to talk to Andre. It wasn't like Andre asked her to have the abortion, she hadn't even told him till just before she decided to go. Though I am kind of mad at him because he's stayed away from her, as if giving her the space that she wanted was gonna make any of this better.

Her parents still didn't know, nor did Trina, but she put on a good show at home. Watching her and what she was going through was soul wrenching. Made me glad I made the decision I made, and I was little more than half way done with this.

I sat next to Tori who sat on the floor in front of her couch. She looked at me and kind of blinked. "Yeah I sat on the floor and you will be helping me up." I stated and pulled a box from my jacket pocket. "Merry Christmas."

She looked at me and took the package and opened it they were two charms one was a pair of scissors whith what would be Becker's birthstone, and the other was a bootie with what would have been her baby's birthstone. "Why?"

"I figure we could commemorate our loss together." I said softly

"Don't give her up, just don't…" Tori pled with me. The truth is I just didn't feel right having that option anymore. Not if Tori didn't have that option. It felt wrong. But just hearing her plead with me to keep Becker, threw my heart in serious turmoil.

"We'll have other children, I promise."

"What do you mean, you'll have other children?" Trina said as she came down the stairs. Shit that's why I sat my ass down on the floor next to her.

"Trina, leave us alone." Tori said and dropped the charms back in the box placing it in her pocket. "Thanks Jade." She said helping me up onto the couch.

"Tori… what did she mean by that?" Trina said, concern exponentially apparent in her eyes.

"I… had an abortion last week." Tori said, her tone flat.

"You what?" Trina looked at her sister alarmed then at me then back at her. Trina really looked at her and took note of the subtle differences in her sister. Yeah Vega was a little thicker, just barely, her breasts… Christ, she had breasts. I never noticed that. "Why is Andre not here?"

"I don't want to see him." Tori answered sitting down on the couch.

"Tori, Andre really wants to see you. He wants to be there for you." I stated. I looked at my phone and pulled up my and Andre's conversation and handed her the phone. "Just tell him to come."

She read his pleadings to me to be with her every day… that was usually when I was with her and we would talk about how she was doing and he would feel better about not checking in on her. Still a cop out though because I'd be damned if you could keep me away from her if I were him. I guess he's just nicer than I am… or maybe he's just scared.

It's probably both.

* * *

**December 28****th**

* * *

My doorbell was ringing incessantly. I stomped over to it annoyed, and snatched it open. "hey," It was Brandon.

"What do you want?"

"I miss you," he said softly I looked at him and stepped back into the house so that he could come in.

"So?" I asked leading the way to the living room and having a seat on the couch.

'I promise I won't try to change your mind, I just really like you."

"Why do you like me?' I asked. "I'm surly, mean, and hung up on a dead boy."

"I can make you forget him." He said.

"I don't want to forget him." I answered.

"I think you're smart, and talented and sexy as hell." I looked down at myself and raised an eyebrow. I was dressed okay, but I seriously just looked fat. "Don't look at me like that, You aren't gonna stay like that forever." I tilted my head. "Not that the belly makes you less sexy by any means."

"Why should we be together?" I asked.

"Because we're young, and because we can be, and because we're both gonna suffer a loss that only the other can understand."

I bit my lip and looked at him. It is the same thing I told Tori and she and Andre are finally talking. If I didn't even consider this, it would make me a hypocrite. I hate hypocrites. My eyes trailed back up to his eyes, then again to his lips that I really did enjoy kissing, down to his body, which I did enjoy, and as they made their way back up I realized he was leaning closer. The idiot was trying to kiss me. I reached my hand out and mushed his face. back. "I didn't say we should try again. How about you try being my friend."

He sighed and leaned back. "Okay… I can do that. As long as you know-"

"Nope… you don't get to give conditionals… I have someone to grieve my loss with." I stated.

"Who?" He asked as if he were my jealous boyfriend. I raised my brow and he stopped. "Sorry, Yeah okay I see what you mean."

"Well see ya, I have to go see Tori, she's not well." I stated standing from the couch.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked following me to the door.

I shook my head. "She hasn't told anyone but me, I don't think I should tell you at all."

He nodded and leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Okay, see you later I guess."

I just kind of stood there in shock. "Yeah, bye."


	8. January: Weeks 27-30

**A/N Sorry for taking forever guys... finally an update and a long one. Enjoy- S.K.**

* * *

**January Weeks 27-30**

* * *

** January 4th**

* * *

It's Hot… and I'm sweaty. It's January. It s our first week back in school from break. Tori and I sat editing the first half of my pregnancy documentary. Well she edited, I sat back sucking on a popcicle.

"Jade, I can't do this anymore." She said pausing seeing herself, obviously in the frame she was already pregnant.

I paused and moved so that she would look at me. "So don't do it, take your failing grade and flunk twelfth grade. Then that stupid abortion would have been for nothing." Then I leaned back and waited as she stared at herself on the screen, shook her head and began her edits again.

"Thanks." She mumbled and we continued to work on it. I got a text from Brandon. He has been texting me a lot, and I'm starting to see him as more of a fixture. He is super sweet and attentive, I like him… and I hate him. Beck is the only one that should have ever been like that with me. He should be here with me. He should be going through this with me. "Just thinking about you, how are you feeling?"

I sighed and responded to his text, then looked up at Vega who was staring at me. "What?"

"you had this incredibly angry look on your face."

I shook my head… "I was thinking about Beck." I said. I liked that I could just tell her these things. She understood. "So pissed that he's gone."

"I know." She said softly.

"So are we gonna film tomorrow, I know It's Thursday today, but the play opens tomorrow." Tori said, she is still not quite herself, but she's getting better at it. She's coming back to herself. Andre walked into the room, just as she was making final saves.

"Hey baby!" He said kissing her softly, then coming over and kissing the top of my head. "Jade what the hell? It's like fifty degrees outside."

"Well it feels like eighty to me. I'm hot Andre." I said as I got another text.

"Where you at?" Brandon texted.

"Black Box." I sent back and turned to my friends.

"Jade, you ready to go out there like that?" he asked indicating my belly which is the only part of me that looked different. I wasn't even that big, it was just that… a belly and I looked pregnant because I didn't really grow anywhere else. But I could hide it.

"I should be fine." I said running my hand over my belly. I frowned at the feeling of my belly button. I was an innie… but right now I looked like I had a power button on my belly. My navel poked out and you could see it through my shirt. I grumbled. "As long as the costume is as big as a fucking tent."

Tori giggled Just as Brandon walked in. He greeted Tori and I just as Andre had done, coming to me first and kissing me on the cheek close enough to my mouth without actually kissing it. Then Kissing Tori on the forehead. Then he shook hands with Andre.

Since when did he become the sixth in our quintet of friends? I wasn't so sure I liked him joining the group. But everyone seemed to accept him. I looked him over and he was dressed nicely, "You got a date B?" I asked raising a brow.

"Yes," He said and extended a hand to me. "Come on, If I have to woo you I'm going to do it the right way."

"Woo?" I asked, "I said we'd be friends."

"And I never give up what I want." He said leading me toward the door. I glanced ant Tori and Andre and waved back at them… They looked Amused.

* * *

**January 11****th**

* * *

I lay in Brandon's bed the next Thursday. He was finally back in the dorms from winter break. He was at his desk working on some homework, and I was kind of bored. I mean Cat, Robbie, Tori and Andre were out on a double date, as in romantic. So only I and Brandon remained out of it, because I refused to call any of his attempts (Successful ones at that) a move into us being together again.

I put my bottle of water on my belly and watched as Becker rolled the water around as she moved inside me. I chuckled and heard Brandon turn in his seat. "Oh my god!" he said.

"She's having a field day, she hates when I put things on her." I said and he came closer.

"Can I touch you?" He asked moving his hand toward my belly and hesitating. Yeah he better hesitate. I reached for his hand and placed it on the spot where Becker was doing the cha-cha, and he smiled, no he grinned. He leaned his face closer and began to sing to her. A bit out of tune, but he sang, something I know Beck would have done and tears began to fall freely from my eyes. I didn't want to cry, they just did, because now I was feeling like I was keeping the two of them from getting to know each other.

Becker stopped moving and kinda pressed herself to where she heard Brandon's voice. My body began to shake with effort trying to keep the tears at bay, and Brandon stopped singing. "Was I that bad?" He asked looking at me and drying a tear from my cheek.

"Yeah, you were…" I answered with a snort.

He laughed then kissed my lips softly. I don't know why, but that just felt right. Brandon made love to me that night. We didn't just have sex, but he was soft and gentle when I needed him to be, and rough when I needed it. He took his time, and kind of worshiped my body the way that only he could and I felt beautiful, and loved and I forgot Beck.

When it was over, he held me, and my mind returned to me. Brandon was the father of my child. Brandon wanted to be with me, and Becker. Brandon was not Beck. I swallowed back tears, and got out of bed to get dressed. "You leaving?" He asked startling me.

"Gotta go before Shawn comes back … Plus, I still have a curfew." I said

"Shawn loves coming in here to find naked women, even if they are here for me and not him."

That gave me pause as I pulled my jeans up. "How many women have there been Brandon?" His face told me he was busted. He didn't want to make me feel like he was just some gigolo. He didn't want me to think that he didn't want me. But I knew he did.

I folded my hands across my chest and waited for what he would say. "Well... One woman actually. When you broke up with me I kind of hooked up with my ex. But that was just it, a hook up." He said.

"Relax, you and I aren't even going out like that B," I said buttoning up my shirt and grabbed my bag and headed toward the door.

"But we just…" He started.

"Yeah, thanks. It was fun, See you tomorrow." I said and walked out of the dorm room. As I made it out I felt a mean pressure on the top of my belly and around my back. I stopped mid stride. What was that? I took a deep breath and then Becker sort of twisted herself in there. And just like that, it was over.

* * *

**January 18****th**

* * *

He didn't stop coming around. I did infact see him again every day of the week. including Sunday while the rest of his family was at church, mom is out of tow the whole week and My dad, well I don't have a father. He had come to me early on Sunday and stayed with me the whole day, and convinced me to let us be together again.

In my bed, in my Pool, on my couch in my living room… as if we were two incredibly horny Teenagers. I guess we are… and I guess it helps that I can't get anymore pregnant. Only thing was that I started to get contractions a lot afterward, and he took me to the hospital. His mom was on call.

She was happy to know we were together again, but said that we shouldn't really be having sex because I was a minor and not emancipated. As for him, he was eighteen now, she couldn't very well tell him not to have sex with the mother of his child otherwise. But she convinced him to not be so constant because sex was what was causing my discomfort in the first place. Ugh… But that was what I liked about being with Brandon and I only had a finite amount of time to enjoy his company without getting pregnant again.

So the rest of this time we have just been spending time together. Just he and I. I haven't even worn the red streaks in my hair. Brandon is actually really cool without the cloud of Beck hanging over him. He made me smile, and I hadn't felt like that in a long time. It was weird, just being with him and not comparing him to Beck but it felt really good.

I sat in my chair after Sikowitz's class had ended dazed looking out of the window, thinking about my baby's father. He wanted to keep her, Tori wanted me to keep her, and if I thought about it… Deep down I didn't want to let her go. But If I really care about Brandon, He needs to stay in school and become the engineer.

"Jade?" Tori's voice broke me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay? You are kinda spaced out, and… wasting film."

I startled, "Oh right, it's Thursday."

"Penny for your thoughts?" She said sitting next to me like the best friend she has come to be.

"What if I can't give her up?" I asked her

She went quiet and held on to the two charms on her necklace that represented Becker and her baby, which she called faith. "Then at least one of them would be with us… Jade I can't decide for you, but you wouldn't be the only teenage mother on this planet."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from pointing out that she had done the same for fear of what her parents would say. "How did your mom and dad take it?" I asked, as Trina told her mother what had happened when she mentioned how Depressed Tori seemed.

"I'm grounded till I have to go to college… Oh Jade they were so disappointed. The only reason they let me hang out with you is because of this project." I bristled and stood back. "Relax, Thy think that you were way braver than I was. This whole abortion thing did not sit well with them either. They cried with me a little, they are putting me in therapy. Andre is not allowed over unsupervised though."

I groaned for her. "You'll be eighteen in like three weeks… they can't keep you grounded."

"I know, I guess I'll just tow the line right now. Besides I get to hang with you on Thursdays."

"Do you wanna skip school with me the rest of the day?"

She blinked rapidly as she tried to decide. I smirked. She grinned and nodded. "I'll text Andre." She stated.

"Good invite him along," I said. She looked at me and smiled, grabbing her bag and running off out of the classroom. I looked at Robbie and Sinjin and rolled my eyes. "Lets go nerds."

I looked down at my phone and tested Brandon to meet us and Hollywood and Highland it was his short day and I didn't feel like hanging out with two star-crossed lovers without my own kissing partner. He called me right back. "Jade, I'm already at the asphalt, came to have lunch with my girl."

I smiled and walked through the doors to the Asphalt Café. "I see you." He came toward me hanging up his end of the line. "Turn the camera off Robbie," I said.

"Okay," Robbie said doing so and going over to his girlfriend.

I wrapped my arms around Brandon's neck when I reached him and pulled him into a kiss. It only got deeper as he wrapped his arms around me. I could feel the stares from everyone out here. They never thought they would see me with anyone other than Beck ever and to see me kissing a better version of Berf was… I pulled back and looked around and growled at anyone with his or her phones pointed in my direction.

A couple of people dropped their phones. Everyone else casually put their devices away or pretended to be texting someone. "Lets go to the highland mall." I said. "It will cheer Tori up, plus they can go in the theater and make out."

He grinned, "And so can we…"

I smirked back at him. "You're a mind reader babe." He laughed, and I just realized that was the first time I called anyone but Beck that. I felt nauseous, but he held my hand and pulled me close and hugged me.

"You don't ever have to call me that again if you don't want to." He whispered.

I looked up at him. I felt awful for having that reaction. "I'm sorry."

"I'm never gonna replace him, but you do have to let go, and you will eventually." I leaned forward again and pecked his lips.

"I love you." I whispered, and it was true, and My heart began to pound because my god, how could two guys fit inside my heart. Truthfully I loved him differently, not as hard and deep as Beck, but… yeah, I loved him.

I searched his face, and he was surprised. "Girl, you know I love you more." He whispered back. I laughed, and I took a deep breath.

"You guys ready?" Tori said coming up to us.

I looked at her and Robbie and Cat who were coming as well. "We'll go to the movies, and watch a movie all of us have already seen." I said, then looked at Robbie. "No camera, or Sinjin."

Robbie reddened because he understood where I was going with this. Andre nodded and slung his arm around Tori. "I have a bigger Car." Andre said as he pointed at his grandmother's SUV. "My car's in the shop, this way it won't be so suspicious when none of our Cars are in the lot."

We all agreed and piled into his car and headed for the Highland Mall. The movie was some lame RomCom that Tori Andre and Brandon had seen, and I had slept through the week before. Cat and Robbie watched a while. Tori and Andre waited 'til the lights went down before starting in on their make out session… All I know is Tori should invest in skirts more.

Brandon and I… well we aren't quite as inhibited, and I was wearing a skirt so I got thoroughly felt up before that movie was over. "Oh my god, your thighs are all wet." I whispered at Brandon.

He kissed my neck, and patted my thigh. "I aim to please baby." He whispered back I chuckled and climbed off his lap and looked out to all different directions at my friends, Tori looked totally blissed out as Andre was working good on her neck. I don't know where Robbie is, but I can guess as Cat's head is thrown back onto seat back and breathing really hard.

I Jab Brandon on the side and point it out. And He chuckles a bit. I thought I was bad… Skirts are good, really good. "I'm gonna go dry out." He said

I reached out to him, "Ill come with you… We'll finish." I whispered back. He took my hand and led me out and I bumped Tori on my way out inadvertently with my belly. I looked at her and fanned myself with my hand "See you when the movie is over." I whispered. She nodded then blissed out again.

By the time Brandon and me got out of the bathroom, we ran into our friends, Tori and Robbie were comforting Cat who was crying inconsolably. Andre was standing to the side trying not to laugh. I went over to him and asked him what was up. "Right after you left, the lights in the theater came up because the dude all the way in the front was annoyed at the teenagers making out, and Cat and Robbie were… well He was up under her skirt and they got banned." He tried to say everything without laughing outloud.

I looked at Tori and bit my lip and looked back at Andre. "Dre you marked her pretty good dude." Brandon said and I looked back at Tori's neck with an angry red mark on it.

"ANDRE! She's gonna get in sooo much trouble!" I shouted and headed toward the girls and pulled both of them to the bathroom. "Cat, stop crying. They won't even check the next time you come back."

"Yes they will, they took pictures and everything." Cat said sniffling as she pulled out concealer from her purse and handed it to her. "Jadey, I'm sorry for being such a bitch before. I don't blame you for cutting me out of your plans It was stupid of me."

I blinked. I don't think I had ever heard Cat say a bad word before. "Whatever Cat, It's finished."

"Oh my god!" Tori said getting a first look at what was going on with her neck.

"He was trying to eat you alive, when was the last time you two were … you know… Together."

"Before Faith died." She answered and applied generous amounts of concealer.

"Who's Faith?" Cat asked. I stiffened and looked at Tori through the mirror.

"My baby Kitten." Cat looked confused at first, and then began to cry again. I looked at her Had Cat know about the baby too? "I had her drive me when Andre had changed his mind." Tori explained.

"I didn't know you had named it." She said between sobs. "That's so sad."

"Lets get out of here," I said, "I don't want to think about loss."

"Yeah, come on guys, lets go shopping!" Cat said as we walked out already over her major embarrassment.

"I can't it's almost six, my parents…" Tori whined. I nodded wondering when that stopped getting on my last nerve. Then she turned to Andre and kissed him. "I gotta get home, let's get out of here. He took her hand and led us all to his car.

Brandon and I were in my living room again, not heeding his mother's advice. Well kind of we were slow, we weren't really planning on doing anything, but between kisses and I love yous it just kind of happened as we watched some show he turned me on to about Zombies or something.

Someone clared their throat, and I knew it wasn't me, and It wasn't Brandon cause I would have felt it he was so deep inside me. He froze mid thrust and my eyes opened. My father was standing above us seething. "Now I see why you are in this predicament."

Brandon went flaccid immediately and would have gotten off me if I hadn't held him to me firmly. I was naked, I didn't want my father to see. He reached for the chenille throw slung over the back of the couch and covered us up quickly then helped me to sit up. "What are you doing here?" I asked angrily.

"Your mother asked me to check on you, and so I am here. You aren't allowed boys in this house when your mother isn't home Jade." He said looking at Brandon as he pulled his pants up. He looked at him and Brandon stretched out his hand and Dad almost gagged at the prospect. Was probably thinking about where his hands had been. Brandon looked at his hand and wiped it on the leg of his jeans. "Is he the father?"

"That is Brandon, My boy friend and sperm donor yes." I answered. Brandon looked at me I suppose a little hurt, but I don't think my father deserves much. He wouldn't know what a real father was either.

Dad looked Brandon over more thoroughly now that he was dressed, I wrapped the throw around me as if it were a gown not bothering to hide the fact that yes I had been naked, and fucking my boyfriend on my mother's couch. "Well, I believe that its time for him to go home, and for you to come home with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I stated.

"Jade, baby…" Brandon said running his hands over my shoulders a soothing motion that I noticed he picked up one time when I was upset he kissed my neck "I have an early class tomorrow anyway. It's better if I stay on campus tonight." He whispered.

I turned to him ignoring the fact that my father was standing there and I kissed him. "But I wasn't finished." I said pulling a Vega. He smirked knowing I was putting on a show for the old man. "I love you B."

"I love you too baby." He said and kissed me again, and he let me put on that show.

"Alright, that's enough." My dad said pulling Brandon off of me roughly, making the throw drop from where I had it tucked around me. I moved to shield myself and my dad Shut his eyes and turned away. "Oh good lord." I snorted and turned to a smirking Brandon and waved goodbye.

I reached for my discarded clothes and walked around the couch and away from Dad. "I'm not going anywhere with you." I shouted and locked my bedroom door.

* * *

**January 25****th**

* * *

"Our little princess has dropped some." Dr. Dunniver said. She measured my fundus again. "And you've lost weight… getting lots of exercise I think." The last part she directed at Brandon with a glare.

I chuckled and poked at Brandon. "I feel pretty great doc." I stated

She smiled at me and patted my leg motioning me to sit up. "You look really good but all the weight that you gained, you have lost so that means your body weight has decreased but your baby has gained lots of weight. Just balance that out okay."

That's it? No, stop having sex you horn dog? I straightened in my seat, I guess she couldn't tell me that unless medically viable. "Okay." I stated and nodded.

"Okay, now I am taking my doctor's hat off. You really need to cool it with the sex. It's just… That's what got you here in the first place."

"Mom… It's not like-" Brandon tried to speak but she held her hand up.

"I know the first thing was a drunken whatever, but Brandon you weren't that drunk baby. You took advantage of this girl, and now… she's a non emancipated minor and you are not."

He and I looked at each other, "About that… B, My dad found out that you are eighteen."

"What does that mean?" They both asked me.

Should I tell them my Dad is an asshole and is probably gonna press charges. Should they know that I put their precious boy in some serious trouble and could possibly loose his scholarship? I suppose I'd want to know. "He's a litigator… and—"

"Wait, Jason West? Is your father?" Dr. Dunniver asked. I nodded. She groaned. I guess she's heard of him.

"I'm sorry." I said softly.

"Just, cool it okay?" She said softly. I nodded and hopped off the exam table.

As we walked silently outside toward his car, Brandon grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I looked at him and he kissed my hand then he kissed my lips, then he kissed my belly and I laughed. "We will be fine." He said guiding me to his car.

"I hope so." I said sinking into the front seat, "I hope so."


End file.
